I was fully aware that I really didn’t know anything about what godly parenting looked like. I barely knew what good parenting looked like. So I sought out advice from people who were raising kids who were healthy and loved Jesus. And I read a lot of books. One piece of wisdom that always stuck with me came from Dr. James Dobson: “Good memories are the glue that binds relationships, giving us something to hold onto during the tough times.”
That idea became a north star for me. I was determined to create those binding memories with each of my kids. I heard advice about going on one-on-one dates with children. Now that’s easier said than done when there are four of them and only one of you. And when you factor in that structure, systems and schedules were outside of my regular rhythms, you can understand my dilemma. I had to figure out a rhythm that would work for my personality.
What was birthed was what we dubbed “mental health days.”
Let me tell you, nothing says “I’m winning at parenting” like calling your kid’s school and saying, “Yes, umm hello, Jeffery won’t be in today because we have a ummm family thing!” The secretary’s silence on the other end of the phone let me know that she knew exactly what was going on – we were playing hookie. (I’m so thankful for Destiny Christian School who had nothing but grace for me and my kids.)
Here’s the thing – those random afternoons when we’d bail on responsibility and head to the lake? Pure gold. And in the dead of winter when it was minus forty and we stayed home to watch movies in our pajamas? Priceless. Of course, there was always popcorn with the movies – not the microwave stuff – the good stuff – the cook in a pot on the stove stuff.
And in the summer, as soon as we’d hit the water, the snacking would begin. There’s something about lake air that makes everyone instantly hungry, and we never skimped on the good stuff. Boat snacks are sacred in our family – a well-stocked cooler is non-negotiable. To this day, my kids can tell you exactly what makes the perfect lake day spread.
I have humbly watched Dr. Dobson’s words come to life during the harder seasons of parenting. When people have betrayed us, when loved ones have passed, when I have had to cross my child’s will – correcting them, guiding them, and enforcing rules when everything in them was screaming “NO!” – those were the moments when our relationship glue really mattered.
Three of my four kids are adults now – one just graduated from high school – but they all fondly remember our “mental health days.” When life gets complicated, when adulting feels overwhelming, those memories become anchors they return to. The glue holds.
The Bible tells us, “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1). I love that verse because it reminds me that even in my most spontaneous parenting moments, God was there, weaving purpose through it all. He was building relationship glue that would hold us together when life got messy.
So whether you’re naturally structured and have monthly one or one dates, or naturally spontaneous and have to use random mental health days, remember that good memories are the glue that binds relationships. Those moments when you put down your phone, look your kid in the eye, and say, “Want to ditch responsibility and go to the lake?” – that’s where the magic happens.
Because one day, when your kids face their own storms – and they will – those happy, joy-filled, intentional moments will be the memories that whisper: “You are loved. You are seen. You matter.”
Now if you’ll excuse me, the sun is shining and the UV index looks promising. Time to stock the cooler and send out the family text. Some traditions are just too good to outgrow!